


She Meant Well.

by codenamemoony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by a post on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 12:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6375118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codenamemoony/pseuds/codenamemoony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A post came across my dash on Tumblr about the scene in OotP, when Sirius reminds Molly that Harry isn't her son, and this happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Meant Well.

> “She meant well, you know.”  
> 

 

> “Of course. Because its very well meaning to remind me where I’ve been. Clearly, I was selfish and forgot the years I spent behind those walls, unable to do the one thing my best friend– my _brother_ – asked of me.”
> 
> Remus felt his heart constrict as he watched Sirius, the other man leaning his hip on the fireplace and staring into the flames. Molly had been trying to protect Harry, which Remus understood– she’d done it for years now, the way he understood… but that didn’t make her jabs at Sirius correct, or acceptable. He’d been lost for words when Sirius spoke again, his voice low and nearly emotionless, something that frightened him.
> 
> “I never forgot. What had happened, why I was there… who I left behind. I thought of him every day, Remus. _Every single day_ , my thoughts would drift to that child, and to the ways I was letting him down. To how mad James would be, knowing I was rotting away, leaving Harry without a protector.”
> 
> Remus inched closer, carefully staying back enough to avoid touching him, and watched his friend’s shoulders shake. He wasn’t sure if he was weeping, or just that upset by what had transpired, but he knew better than to approach him and reach out. He cleared his throat, looking down and pausing as he heard a shout from upstairs, noting that Sirius whipped around, freezing as he tried to determine whom was making the noise. After a moment, he went back to where he’d been, Remus finally speaking again.
> 
> “It wasn’t your fault, Padfoot.”
> 
> The dry laugh was so unlike Sirius, it set Remus’ nerves on edge. He knew it had been difficult, adjusting to the world after so long locked away, but he’d yet to come to terms with this new Sirius, the way he’d slip from the man he’d been in school and the one before him now.
> 
> “It wasn’t? If I had never suggested the change, James and Lily would be alive, and Molly wouldn’t have room to speak like that, because he’d be with his proper parents.”
> 
> “But you might not be here, Sirius.”
> 
> “– better me than them.”
> 
> Remus felt the air leave his lungs, shaking as he moved in again, this time risking it and reaching for Sirius’ shoulder, squeezing as he tried to understand what that meant, the implications of it weighing heavy on the werewolf.
> 
> “You’re all I have, Sirius…”
> 
> “If they’d lived, you would have them. James, Lily, Harry… maybe even Peter. Maybe he’d have been good if he’d not been given such an important task.”
> 
> It was appalling that an exchange like the one with Molly would be so crushing for Sirius– Remus felt his heart turn to lead as Sirius spoke, the realization of just how much guilt he carried making him feel vaguely ill.
> 
> “He’s not her son, Remus.”
> 
> Finally, Sirius turned to look at Remus, his own hand coming to cover the one on his shoulder, face stormy and wounded as he shook his head, his long hair flowing about his face as he drew a few breaths, then added.
> 
> “He was _theirs_.”
> 
> “I know.”
> 
> “She’s right, you know… I wasn’t here… but I tried. Every thought was about getting out, and getting to him, to tell him the truth. To tell you the truth. You and Harry, you’re the family I’ve got left. You’re _all_ I’ve got left.”
> 
> Remus nodded slowly, unsure of if he should retreat or remain there, the way Sirius held to his hand making him choose to remain there, feeling his face betray his pain and distress over not being able to help Sirius more. He wondered if the grey eyed man could read the guilt over what he’d believed in his features, the soft, sad smile gracing his lips making Remus falter for a second.
> 
> “I’m grateful he’s had her. Lord knows her family is what’s sustained him this long, through the things he’s faced. She took him in, cared for him and watched for him while I was unable to. She made him feel as though he belonged. _And I am grateful.”_
> 
> There was a pause, Sirius’ face clouding further as he thought of something, then brought his other hand to rest on Remus’ shoulder, closing the open space between them, grounding himself. Remus only knew because it was something they’d all done in school- when overwhelmed, they’d all stand close, often hand to shoulder. He stayed still and quiet, waiting for Sirius to continue.
> 
> “Being grateful doesn’t mean she’s got a right to punish me for my past, however. He’s not a child… he hasn’t been for quite a long time. I wish to the stars he could be. That he’d still be naive and young and carefree– it’s what they would have wanted. The fact is, though… he’s seen enough, and endured enough to be treated like an adult. I can’t shelter him from what he needs to know, and it’s not Molly’s sodding place to lay claim to him.”
> 
> There was no mistaking the way one of those piercing eyes blurred slightly, Sirius keeping his face stoic as he drew a few more breaths, words shaking ever so slightly, the only betrayal of his attempt to remain composed in the face of the hurt he must have felt in his heart, perhaps even his soul. He reached as though to brush some stray hair from his face, but Remus was certain he saw the trail of a lone tear smear his friend’s cheek, pain radiating from him.
> 
> “He’ll never be my child… but he’s my charge. My godson. My brother asked that of me, and I am trying. I’m trying so hard, and I know it’s probably a bit late, but it’s there. I love Harry– I love him as though he were my own… but I’m not his father any more than Molly is his mother, and I can’t claim him. I can protect him, and I can teach him, though. And if Molly is unable to accept that… the fault is hers. Hers and hers alone.”
> 
> Then, all of a sudden, it was gone. The ghost of pain across still gaunt features, the anguish in nearly silver eyes, and the spark was back. Sirius relaxed a bit, hand coming to rest on Remus’ cheek fondly, his posture and his air much more the way he’d been before dinner. Fingers flexed over Remus’ jaw, another small smile gracing his handsome face.
> 
> “Thank you, Moony. For coming to me, and for trying to ease my mind.”
> 
> “I didn’t do much…”
> 
> “You did enough.”
> 
> Arms wrapped his waist, Sirius hugging him for a moment before he let go and pulled away, adjusting his coat and rubbing his face for a second. He drew in a deep, steadying breath, then turned to the door, arching an eyebrow and questioning Remus silently as he added–
> 
> “Now. I think I should go find Harry and make sure he’s alright. See you in the kitchen, after?”
> 
> “I’ll get tea started.”
> 
> Then he was off, Remus watching him leave through the door and feeling slightly confused, but comforted. This was the Sirius he remembered– the one who might be offended, but could reason it out on his own, who stood by what he knew and was unfaltering for the most. He’d had his moment of doubt, and now… now he was ready to carry on. Remus smiled fondly as he heard Harry greet his godfather, and headed for the kitchen, convinced things would be a bit better now.
> 
> Sirius knew he’d made mistakes… and knowing that Azkaban wasn’t one of them was all Remus needed at the moment. 


End file.
